Sometimes in our lives we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But if we are wise we know that there's always tomorrow. Did you sing that in your head? Gotcha! But in all seriousness, throughout our lives, there will be a good amount of shit times. Okay, I didn't plan for that to rhyme either it just happened. ANYWAY. What I'm trying to say is that it's not about what happens, but how you repair from it. Below is my personal guide to rebuilding your life in 5 simple steps.
5 Simple Steps to Rebuild Your Life
- Start from the floor: We all know 99% of these rock bottom moments start on a floor somewhere. Any floor will do really. The bedroom would be the most logical. Though I've heard of the bathroom floor being a popular one too..
Requirements: Be the most miserable, negative-minded, anxious, lonely and broken person to be around. And then times that by 6,482,209. You are a prisoner to your mind and you cannot escape. - Quit your shitty job. Yeah, that weird feeling in your gut that you've made the wrong decision in taking that travel agent job? It's right. Those people are toxic. Quit TODAY. And know that you made the right decision when your ex-boss fires the other new girl half an hour after you resign.
- Revive an old friendship. You need a friend for what you're about to endure. Preferably someone who knows you and supports you whole-heartedly. Someone you can talk to who is outside of the situation and who can offer advice when you get too inside your head.
- Get dumped. He tried everything to make you happy. But he can't fix a problem that isn't his. He believes that this is the only thing left that will make both you and him happy again. Reality hits and in that moment you muster up the balls to fight for what you had. He agrees to give it a shot and now you have regular panic attacks that he's going to leave again.
You start a new job as a children's programme manager. Have a panic attack in the bathroom on your first week. Vow to get back up and give it 150%. Notice that over time the more you stay busy and put all of your focus and energy into your work, the less time you have to feel anxious.
You listen to Tony Robbins on repeat. He's your lifeline right now. The stuff he talks about.. your mindset.. it makes a lot of sense.
When you go to your sister-in-laws 30th birthday, you watch everyone effortlessly function like normal human beings. Laughing, joking and conversing. You start to feel like you're being suffocated and have to leave abruptly. You roam the streets, inhaling as much oxygen as possible until you find a library to sit outside of. You cry in the dark for an hour.
Relaying the events to your friend the next day, you wonder if it ever will get better. She assures you, it will.
You attend a workshop about foundational brain development and find yourself sitting at the edge of your seat, 100% engaged for the entire session. You want to ask the speaker a million and one questions but you chicken out and leave early.
You're starting to enjoy your work. It's becoming a lot more fun to be there. You make a new friend and his positive enthusiastic attitude helps you to be more conscious of your attitude. He prints a quote you posted on facebook and pins it above your desk to help remind you to stay positive. It's starting to seem like your mindset has a lot to do with everything.
A lot of opportunities are coming to you through work. You're doing so well you're asked to take over another programme at a different center. You decline because you've realized that your work place has become a place of healing. And the more you heal, the stronger you feel, and the stronger you feel, the happier you become, and the happier you become, the stronger your relationship gets.Finally you move out of your tiny mould infested rental that made you sick over the winter and move into a beautiful large home by the sea. Every day you wake up to a view of mountains and ocean and notice that you don't feel as tense as you did in the previous house. It feels like the house has magical powers. Every day you spend time admiring the view and oddly enough it helps you feel better.
You decide to start an online business, and begin experimenting with blogging about different topics.
Your workload has become overwhelming. You're stressing out a lot. Your boss catches you at the wrong moment and you burst into that ugly uncontrollable cry in front of him. You tell him you don't think you can do the work anymore. He sits with you until you let it all out. You're humiliated. He gives you words of encouragement and suggests you to relax a little more about everything. You pick yourself up and vow once again to keep at it, and to take it easier.
Attending several more workshops about brain development, psychology and neuro linguistics. You're starting to connect the dots. You realize you have an actual passion for this. You, Elise McDowell, find the study of the brain and how it works fascinating. You decide to commit to learning more about the mind, and more particularly how your mindset affects your life. You also start to introduce more info about mindset into your blogging. People seem to enjoy what you have to say.You wake up on a stormy Sunday morning. He's lying next to you. You snuggle in a little closer. Seventeen months have passed since that bedroom floor moment. You can't help but reflect on how far you have come, how much you've grown and how much wiser you are for it. Through the darkness, you found yourself again. And then it hits you. All this time you thought you were fighting for your relationship, but it turns out you were actually fighting for yourself. And you won. You saved yourself. You've become your own hero.
You sang Bohemian Rhapsody to each other in bed last night. Something you haven't done in over a year. A sign that you're both in a really good place. He tells you that he's really happy, and most of all how happy he is to see you happy again. You kiss and embrace.
You're laughing all the time now and smiling feels normal again. You're listening to music, reading books, spending time outdoors in nature. You've even started playing sports again. And best of all, you've started socializing again! Something you never thought you'd ever be able to do again because it made you crazy anxious. You're going out to lunches, birthdays, markets, festivals, movies and coffee dates with friends. Your happiness has improved greatly since you found more balance with work. Life feels full.
- Stay away from low-quality people. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
Simple, right?
Have you had to rebuild your life? What are some lessons you learned during this time?
Elise xo
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