I have had many a time where I have pleaded with god, buddha, the universe, some fucking goatherd in the Himalayas to just send me a man full of love to give (because I. just. couldn't. give it to myself).
And every single time without fail, I got the guy that was NOT full of the good lovin' and had way. too. many. issues going on.
Argh. Is this you now? Maybe it's just barren land with no sign of life on the horizon.. Or maybe there IS something (or someone) but you seem to have developed expert repelling powers..
Oy vey, what's a girl to do?
Time to chill out and get off the hate train.
I yearned for a loving relationship for sooo damn long, but the truth was that deep down I didn't even like men. I thought they were liars and cheats and I treated them like they were.
Seriously attractive.
I guarded myself, I was hurtful with my words and I was unkind in many ways even if I was "only joking".
I was working in America at the time when a guy I hardly knew started chatting to me one day and asked, "Elise, why are you so mean to guys?".
I had no idea what he was talking about.
"What? I'm not mean to guys."
"Do you not like men?"
"Yeah of course, why?"
"You have a really strange way of showing it."
"What do you mean?"
"Insults, little digs here and there and making fun.."
"Huh? Oh noooo, I'm just joking when I do that!"
"Yeah well, next time think about what you say and do because it actually hurts and no one wants to be around someone that constantly makes them feel bad."
Triple slap in the face.
I thought this was INSANE because all I wanted was a relationship!
That was the start of my journey to healing myself and the vicious self-sabotaging pattern I had.
It took months and months of work on myself to get me into a better feeling place about myself. And coincidentally that's when the magic started to happen!
I met men of all kinds! Funny, kind, sensitive and just so much fun to be around. And best of all? They all dug the hell outta me, Cause I dug myself. Woo!
So if you just saw a lot of yourself in there but what you really want to manifest is a loving relationship, here's what I want you to start working on.
Practice kindness with your word and actions.
I'm sure you will have seen what positive words do to a child. Telling a little innocent being that their crazy blue squiggle painting is the most AMAZING thing you've ever seen on the entire planet makes their whole spirit shine.
And guess what? You're still that same being!
Practice kindness towards yourself: It could be whispering sweet self love mantras to yourself when you're resting, it could be showering yourself with love by taking a relaxing bath, letting the self-berating go for once or making yourself a beautiful gift like a chocolate cake!
Practice kindness with others (especially men): Give compliments, express affection, if you meet a guy that seems 'SO not your type' - be grateful to have at least met him. Use your words and actions as imaginary hugs, not swords.
Manifesting a beautiful, loving and honest relationship was sooooooo far out of reach because the only vibration I was giving off was that 'I'm not worth my own love so feel free to come and shit all over me'.
It took me learning to be kinder to myself first to start healing my own wounds. And from that I was able to open up more and express kindness onto other men.
And now? I am in the most incredible relationship with a man who out of everyone in the world chose to love and adore me!
Your action step for today
Now in the comments below, I would like to know from you one thing you can do today to practice more kindness to yourself? And bonus question, what is one way you could be kinder to men?
You can do it sweetie!
Elise xo
Thank you for sharing this post Elise :). I also want to meet someone, and I have been single for quite a while now. I feel that I am getting closer to my dreamgirl, and that excites me. This is because I practise with selvlove and grattitude feelings everyday. I am living in oslo, and norwegian girls are beautiful, but somehow I went for a long journey to where I am today. I look at myself as a catch, I am goodlooking, have a good job, have dreams, that I will reach, my finance in order, and just a charming popular guy! Sometimes I go in my dark thoughts and I am thinking, why is it so difficult for me? Every time I catch myself thinking these thoughts, I realize its not constructive, and I try thinking about what I love about my life. So thank you Elise. You are great :)and I adore you. Michael S
ReplyDeletethankyou for beautiful sharing post like this Elise...
ReplyDeleteit happened to me no wonder i always afraid to meet the man i adore so much
i always waiting to be thin, to be perfect to meet him until he left me and i just like a shit
You make an excellent point with this piece of advice and it matches a revelation I had a couple of years ago - men have feelings! It had never occurred to me, but it's true. I grew-up with all females so I didn't have a childhood experience of men to teach me about them. Unbeknowst to me, I'd assumed that men where as I'd been shown in the media: without emotion. Men have to take responsibility for some of this as it is a myth that they propagate but, women exploit it. I realised that I spoke to men in a way I would never speak to women, the difference being women had feelings and I wouldn't want to hurt them. It has changed my relationships with men a great deal to realise that they feel too; I speak to and treat them quite differently now and reap the rewards...
ReplyDelete