How Marie Forleo "Humiliated" Me

It was the lowest point in my life.

I was broke, jobless and living at home with my Mother.

Scarcity had wriggled it's way into the depths of my subconscious and I could feel it's claws tightening it's grip.

I didn't know what to do. I was helpless. I felt like less of a person because I had no purpose, no income, no connection to anyone, nothing. I was making mini droplets of income through my blog at the time - $20 here, $80 there - but even then it seemed like everyone around me had wrapped a scarcity bag around their heads too.

There was one day I remember fondly where I needed a haircut - a simple $20 haircut - and I couldn't afford it.

And something in me snapped.

I was furious.

Was this really all there was to my life?

Was this it?

I needed help. I needed an answer. And I needed it now.

I couldn't afford to work with a coach or buy any books, so out of sheer gall (and suffering) all I could think of to do was ask Marie Forleo.

And she came back with this..

I remember that fateful day like it was yesterday. I had just woken, dried drool on my cheek, hair like I'd combed it with a cactus.

Opening the email I remember thinking "Oh, a money post from Marie yuss!".  I clicked through to the post and let the video play.

As per usual she had her quirky little intro, which what makes me (and I'm sure everyone else) connect with her so much more. And then moved into the readers question.

And that's when I heard my name.

My heart stopped.

"It's.. my.. question." I said, dumbfounded.

Marie continued reading.

I slinked further and further under my duvet, eyes bulging, heart in my throat.

I felt like this.

As she moved through the video with her advice - which by the way I did NOT pay any attention to because HOLY SHIT MARIE FORLEO ANSWERED MY QUESTION!!!!!! - a sudden wave of humiliation washed over me.

I felt seen.

Exposed.

Vulnerable.

Like I'd just lead myself to a public slaughtering of some sort. GoT style.

"What are people going to think of me? What if my ex from 8 years ago sees this!? What if my horrid maths teacher from 6th form sees this? Oh god, what if my friends see this!? WHAT IF MY FAMILY SEES THIS!?!?! IDIOT! The entire world now knows about my 'situation'! How stupid were you to ask this question publicly! This is worse than that time you fell off stage at the school assembly!"

I was a goner to my "victim mode".

But there was nothing I could do, it was already done. I cringed. I squirmed. I felt like this guy at 2:20. And yet there was still nothing I could do. Nothing but accept it and move forward.. somehow.

Eventually I was able to watch the whole video through and actually retain the information that Marie had given - which I use a lot of in my day to day practice!

And now? I go back to that video every now and then to check in with where I'm at. I still cringe at moments, but each time I do watch it I feel better and better about it. And amazingly (and ironically) enough Marie was able to help me realize something extremely important after I'd actually posted this post..

How amazing is that?

Many, many lessons have come from this one small act of courage (and pain). And yes, I still feel seen. Yes, it still makes me squirm. But if this has helped at least one person change their relationship with money in a positive way, at the sake of my "ego", then that is worth the world to me.

Elise xo

P.S - Getting some mega facebook love over here!