Advice, When To Take It Or Leave It (My Recent Experience With Owning Up To My Crap)

[SIDE NOTE: Hello darlings, I am really excited for you to read today's guest post by one of my very talented, intelligent and gorgeous friends Rachael Lowe!!! I have had the absolute pleasure of getting to know her over the last few months (even though we live oceans apart!) she is one to watch guys so make sure you sign up to her newsletter!xx]

There are many times that we ask people for advice when we already know the answers. There are other times when people offer advice when we’re not looking for it. It is important to know yourself well enough to be able to weed out the good advice from the bad.

Last week, I wrote a post on my blog about dealing with feelings of “dislike” towards another person.

A few days later, I was talking with my boyfriend about how my writing was going and he said something that struck me. He said that he felt like sometimes I write things that sound so positive and then I act differently, almost hypocritically. Whoa. Talk about blunt honesty. I knew he was referring to my last post, as I'm still working through that process myself. My first thought: I don’t want everybody to know I'm actually still struggling with this stuff!


Although I know that this is probably true for a lot of people, his comment hit me for two reasons:

What kind of role model could I be if my readers knew I wasn't always walking the talk and why was I still reacting in a negative way in this situation when I know better?

This caused me to take a serious look at myself and fess-up to my shit. I was thankful for his honesty, because I knew I was avoiding working through this negative thought pattern due to the crap it would bring up.

Truth: I’m still not through it. I will be meditating on it and re-wiring my brain until I am. But I’ve owned up to it now, fully, and that’s the biggest step.

The point I’m trying to make here is that there are plenty of times in the past that I would have been completely hurt and offended by his statement, and probably mad at him. Through my self-love work I’ve realized that my reactions are totally up to me, and I’m choosing to begin to react to criticism differently.

So how can we know what’s good and bad advice?

Instead of being upset, or on the other extreme going with “I don’t care what you think of me”, pause for a second and evaluate the person on the giving end of the advice or criticism:


1) Does this person know you well enough that they may see something you don’t (or in most cases, are not willing to admit?)

2) Even if you don’t agree with what they say completely, is there any part of their advice you can use to grow? Something that if you work through would make you feel more like the powerful creator that you are?

Whatever conclusion you come up with, trust it. And whatever you do, thank the person for sharing their opinion. Because don’t get me wrong, people’s opinions are not always right, and can often be a reflection of their own insecurities.

But if something strikes a cord, own up to it. Your future self will thank you.

If You Are Lost, Stuck, Unhappy or Unfulfilled - You Need To Read This

(or, A Girl's Guide to Loving Life)

[Sidenote: I am so freakin' excited for today's post! It's a goodie!! I had the honor of meeting Jordan Brown through herfuture.com and I have a feeling it's a friendship that is going to be a phenomenal one! I am wander-struck with all that Jordan has created for herself from and INCREDIBLE book 'The Girl's Guide to Loving Life' to a powerful community of women on facebook. She is someone to keep an eye on because she is going BIG and BEAUTIFUL places! Elise.x]

A few years ago, I was completely unaware of where true personal fulfillment came from. I searched for happiness in physical objects, whether it was a cheeseburger from McDonald’s, a new boyfriend, or a new pair of shoes. I always wanted more, more, more.

My unhealthy search for happiness landed me in a poor relationship, in a body that was thirty pounds overweight, and in a closet full of items that surely weren’t adding to my happiness or general well-being.

I felt stuck and continued to settle for mediocrity for quite some time.

It wasn’t until I turned to self-help books for guidance, about two years ago, that I realized that everything I needed to be happy was already inside of me – I just had to manifest it!

I didn’t need to fill a void inside of me with food, buy more ‘stuff’, or depend on another's praise for my self-worth. I needed a love for myself, an attitude of gratitude, and happiness that wasn’t dependent on outside circumstances.

I started eating healthy and excising on a regular basis, parted ways with my long-term boyfriend, and began doing activities that made me truly happy. I also started reading for hours on end about happiness, self-esteem, and personal fulfillment.

By making these positive changes, I began deeply loving my life. I discovered a new sense of peace and happiness deep within that had been untouched for far too long.


All of my reading and soul searching fueled the fire inside of me and I suddenly felt compelled to share my insight with others. I decided to create a blog where I could write frequently and openly about happiness, attitude, self-love, personal success, and general well-being.

The positive feedback I received from my ponderings inspired me to pursue an even bigger project: to write a book to share my new-found insight with others. 

I began writing a self-help book for young women (teenage-adult) the day after I graduated college in May 2011. I self-published The Girl’s Guide to Loving Life on July 21, 2012.

The Girl’s Guide to Loving Life is a practical guide for learning to love your life, despite the inevitable flaws you may find in it. With the help of over fifty women who were interviewed for this project, I share knowledge and wisdom on five main concepts: having a positive attitude, loving yourself, achieving your dreams, overcoming obstacles, and creating your legacy.

I share stories from my own journey to happiness, and how you can embark on your own journey. It’s a fun, easy-to-read, and thought-provoking book that can help you get from where you are in life to where you hope to be.

Although it took me a while to get here, I am now at a beautiful and exciting place in my life and want to help others reach this same point.

This is ultimately what inspired me to write a guide on helping other women love themselves and love their lives.

Now, at 23 and pursuing a Master’s degree in Counseling & Guidance, I am on a quest to help inspire others. I hope to empower individuals to find the courage within to unleash their full potential; to embrace who they are and choose to make the most out of life.

By ditching my sour-apple attitude and by learning to enjoy the sweetness that life has to offer, my life has completely transformed.

Now that you know all about me and my personal journal, I want to take a few moments to help inspire YOU to keep moving forward on your journey of self-discovery, of happiness, of loving life, of whatever it may be that you are searching for.

So, here is my advice for you today: Be your own best friend and NOT your own worst enemy; lift yourself UP instead of bringing yourself down. May sound silly or fluffy, but that’s what has drastically changed my life for the better.

When you tell yourself that you are beautiful, strong, smart, independent, worthy, etc…you are just that. You are unstoppable. You go through life with an unbreakable confidence and love for yourself because you have thought yourself there.

On the other hand, when you tell yourself that you are unlovable, disgusting, worthless, stupid, etc…you have also thought yourself there.

So how do we unthink ourselves from somewhere dark? How do we escape from that insecure and lonely jail cell we have locked ourselves into? Well…we break free.

We release ourselves. We make a commitment that we will leave our negative labels behind us and instead adopt positive beliefs about ourselves. Work toward training your mind to replace discouraging, self-destructive thoughts with encouraging and positive thoughts.

This doesn’t exactly happen overnight, but it can happen over time if you make progress each and every day. Is this easy? Not necessarily. Is it possible with practice and effort? Absolutely.

One thing you can do right now, which will hopefully benefit you from here on out, is pick at least three words from the word list below. Write them on your hand, type them into a note on your cell phone, jot them down on a post-it note to stick in your wallet, or simply store them in your mind.

Anytime throughout your day today that you start to assign a negative label to yourself (old or new), whip out your note and repeat: “I am ____, _____, _____.”

Until you feel ready to let go of the mistake you made, the harsh judgment you have formed, the negativity you are feeling toward yourself, or the feeling that you don’t measure up in some way.

Positive labels: Beautiful. Smart. Strong. Wise. Learning. Growing. Encouraging. Helpful. Successful. Forgiving. Loved. Bold. Respectful. Confident. Fierce. Unstoppable. Unique. Energetic. Trustworthy. Sincere. Loyal.

You can also start to challenge your negative beliefs. When you start to assign a negative label to yourself, ask yourself, “Am I really a (insert harsh or negative belief) or is this just something I’m creating in my head based on this one particular experience?”

Talk yourself through the situation, question your own thinking, and become more self-aware of the way in which you speak to yourself when difficulties or conflicts arise.

I could have never written a book at age 22 if I didn’t tell myself EVERY single day that I could (and would!) do it and be successful in my venture.

I constantly lifted myself up and motivated myself to keep going. I continue to challenge negative thoughts and chose to ride on the positive side of life. I suggest you do the same, lady. YOU are amazing, worthy, beautiful…Oh, I could go on and on.

But you gotta believe it, girl. Start working on the inside. Then watch as the miracles start to happen on the outside.


Yours in happiness,

Jordan Brown

Feel free to connect with me via the web, Twitter, or Facebook!

Website: www.girlsguidetolovinglife.com

Twitter: @whosjordanbrown

Facebook: www.facebook.com/girlsguidetolovinglife

The Secret to Extraordinary Happiness

Do you ever feel like happiness is always out there, just out of your reach? Or do you ever feel that you wont have true, real, authentic, life-altering happiness until everything is perfect?




I want to share a little lesson with you that I learned while on my holiday in Fiji. When it hit me, my eyes widened, my mouth dropped and a BIG-ASS shift happened.




But first, we gotta take it back a couple of years..





When I was 14, I remember saying to my bestie "holiday's make you hate your life". We were both holidaying in Australia with my mother at the time.






The reason I said that was because this was my first trip as a teenager overseas and I remember feeling like I was a brand new person, like I could do anything I wanted and I was free from the chains of life (or in my case at the time, boys and homework).




I remember feeling this incredible sense of fulfilment, vitality and excitement and that anything was possible. I knew without a doubt that my current life did NOT match up to what I wanted and I didn't want to return to it.




But hey, you don't get much say when you're fourteen huh? LOL.




That happiness and fulfillment returned once again on my excursion in Europe and America. I was free once again! I could be anybody, I could do anything and I could do whatever I wanted right now - be it swimming in Lake Como or wandering the streets of New York City with nothing but my feet guiding me. But even then I still couldn't grasp what it was I felt.




Third time lucky (and only last week) I had the chance for that feeling to come back once again. And it did! The aliveness followed me to Fiji! And this time I got the message loud and clear (finally!), the secret to my extraordinary happiness hit me so hard I almost fell out of my hammock!


You have to do shit NOW. There is no tomorrow!



I know right, it's actually not that profound or anything out of the ordinary - nor a secret.




But I wanna break down my discovery for you.




Life isn't this mundane, repetitive, 'work-till-you're-dead' game. That's what we're told life is. We go to work, we save a lil money, party on the weekends and then do it all over again the next week. We write our dreams and goals down and we stuff them away somewhere in the closet hoping that they'll come true soon.




We say we'll go to that cute little market this afternoon but then can't be bothered when the time comes around. We tell ourselves we'll eat only leafy green salads for lunch and then we put it off till next week. We say we'll ask for a raise, quit our jobs, have sex more often and lose the weight but it never happens and we just keep putting it off till tomorrow.








In Fiji, we had a set amount of time to get shit done and if we didn't do it we didn't get to experience it. So we had toup our game.




We caught the Bula Bus to Port Denarau even though we were hot, bothered and tired. We went swimming in the pool at night with cocktails even though we were exhausted from our day. We had our breakfasts, lunches and dinners in 5-star restaurants even though we weren't used to spending money like that. We took the last island tour that was left even though we wanted to go somewhere else.




And you know what happened?




We had the most delicious lunch with cocktails at the port together and I found some fantastic gifts for my family. Swimming in the pool, staring at the stars & dreaming about our future together was one of the highlight moments with my hunny. We got to have full and happy tummy's while being treated like superstars and we had the most incredible day snorkelling in crystal clear blue water discovering little fish and drinking to our hearts content.


Doesn't that sound so scrumdiddilyumptious?!?




If we didn't do any of that, if I bitched and moaned that I was too tired, too sore, too hot, too stubborn and too cheap I wouldn't have experienced the magic of our trip. I would have just spent all my time in my resort room watching tv. How dumb would that have been?







If you're bitching about why nothing has changed in your life, ask yourself what effort you've actually made to do it?




Did you get up this morning and go for a walk or did you tell yourself you'll do it later? Did you reward yourself with that massage or did you skimp on the fee and say it was too much?




The secret to extraordinary happiness is living your life as you want it to be RIGHT NOW. Not waiting till you're richer, thinner, happier, in a relationship, with a degree or with more confidence. You get all of that when you take the action beforehand. It's like losing weight, the results don't happen till a couple of weeks after you've started your weight loss plan.




This is bigger than just you, this is you and the universe collaborating and moving mountains. This is you and who you truly are creating universes and escaping the illusion.






I get it now, I get why when trekking round Europe (even on days when I didn't really want to but made the effort anyway) made me happier, more fulfilled, wiser, eat to my hearts content and lose weight, fall back in love, forgive, dream, believe, make peace, have more energy, become bold, express my true feelings, connect with the universe and trust my intuition.






I get it.




Because I showed up and did it anyway, regardless of how I (the ego) felt. I upped my game for the cause and life showed up for me and gave me all the things I truly wanted. I didn't even give it my 100% effort, action and focus. I just showed up and guess what? It gave me 100% what I wanted anyway.


If there is anything you do in your life from now on, I hope that you choose today instead of tomorrow.


There is actually no time. There is only right now. Chose right now to start living in it because THAT is how life was always meant to be. Extraordinary.